I took a month-long holiday overseas to visit good friends who had always been supportive. They are often reversed in higher testosterone females and higher estrogen males. The Top Five Predictors of a Healthy Relationship Yes underlying core hurts are the cause of ridiculous fightsAgreeing to keep trying is what kept my marriage going until my husband's passing after 39 years. At first he didn't want to recall the good times because they were entwined with the bad but now he is healed and looks back at our 22-year relationship as an unbroken line. "The extent of financial ruin, and the amount of lying and manipulation employed to cover up the financial sinkhole, can and will determine whether these actions become a deal breaker," Sansone-Braff says. "Why? Some couples are not prepared for the realities of being around their spouse more often, according to marriage experts. "Avoid all arguments, and never say anything even vaguely critical during or immediately after lovemaking," say authors Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels. Being kind is not an abstraction; it’s all about making choices that demonstrate your esteem for your partner and send the message that, even if you’re furious about something, your anger in no way diminishes your regard. Choose your battles, y'all, and don't fight when you're tired or hungry.The fights couples have that they wish they could go back in time and take back — the doozies, the ones that cause near-irrevocable fissures or linger in the relationship indefinitely — are the ones we'd all like to avoid in our romantic relationships. It is not about the other person caring; it is about conflicted values. All abusers feel like victims, because they cannot see their partners as separate people apart from how they feel about them. She repeats, but differently, 'Could you please put the cap back on the toothpaste in the morning? "If an argument happens at some point, the couple should fight fair (which means no name-calling or badmouthing, or minimizing the other person's feelings), and they should show ... respect by not interrupting their partner and allowing them the time to speak," Amis says. People are entirely responsible for their behavior, no matter how they feel. Thus you may see the dynamic emerge to some extent in all relationships. For starters, "I recommend that they allow the other partner to choose the activities and menus for their day off," she says.Think of such a thing as relationship poison. Some Find Appeal in "Sugar Relationships" This is what happened in my marriage. I had not had good role models of how to show love. This is a link to another article that sounds like addresses some of the same issues you bring up: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201202/problems-emotional-intimacy-typical-borderlines-and-narcissistsGet the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.Check out compassionpower.com for lots of free information on recovery from relationships that walk on eggshells.This is particularly tragic, because the fear-shame interaction is not the result of one party doing something to the other. In us, this primitive interactive mechanism takes on more complicated forms that secretly undermine intimate relationships.So many great insights, Dr. Stosny. When I came home from my trip he confessed all, said he didn't love me and didn't think that I loved him. The pain I feel for many of the hurting people writing in, is that so many folks are suffering with mates who have various types of disorders that may go unrecognized and lead to abuse. "What I hear most as the type of fight couples regret is the one where they go too far in saying all the built-up thoughts they’ve had," says licensed clinical social worker Janet Zinn. You have only your sentiments and prejudice to support your claim.